Sensible Sue

Now that Christmas is behind us, exhausted parents may be feeling the post-holiday let down.  For weeks, parents have had the promise of 'presents from Santa' in exchange for good behavior.

After they have duped Santa into all those presents, kids may feel its alright to let their behavioral guard down (especially being off from school this time of year, they tend to be testy). it's up to the parents to uphold, with certain authority, the rules of good behavior.

The joys and realizations of Christmas are a recent memory, so, what is left to motivate kids and keep them in line now that Santa has fulfilled their Christmas wishes?  Fret no more weary parents, for the Crafty Mother has a tried and tested method to share.  

When my five-year-old starts pushing my buttons, I no longer can threaten 'Do you want me to call Santa and put you on the naughty list?' Instead, I now say, for instance, 'Stop teasing your brother or I will start putting your Christmas presents in a 'time out' (dramatic pause) starting with the Hot Wheels.'  I don't go for the ultimate gift, his trains, until I deem it necessary.  I start with the middle of the road and work up, if necessary.

Children will guard their prized prized possessions like a mother bear guards her cubs. Sometimes if you threaten a testy child with punishment it is a mild blow to them, but when you are the judge and the jury about to sentence their toys to prison, you may see better results.

The 'Toy Time Out' system is an effective way to maintain parental control (babysitters and Nannies included) while fostering personal responsibility. This is cause and effect.  A child's time out lasts a few minutes.  For certain punishments, that is ineffective.  When that is the case, explain that their presents will be put away in a time out for two days.  Unlike the empty threat that you will 'throw the toys away' in a fit of anger, the 'Toy Time Out' system is real.  These are terms children understand.

Stick to your guns.  If you take their new toy and sentence it to two days in a time out, keep it out of sight for two days.  If they ask you to play with it once things have calmed down, sympathize with them and say, 'I'm sorry, but that toy has been sent to a time out.  You may have it back when time out is over."

You know your child well enough, if you parole the toy early, they will have gained power over the situation. Let them feel the weight of the punishment.  They will want it and can't have it when they want it. 

The Toy Time Out system works dually as a reward system.  When the toys' sentence is done, a day, a week, whenever the sentence is done, you determine the appropriate time in which to return the toy. You can make that child's day by returning his toy to him when he least expects it. You will both feel proud. 

After a while, knowing that you mean business, the mere threat of a 'Toy Time Out' will be enough for a child think twice about their actions.  

It is equally effective on birthday and special occasion gifts.   

I found myself relating to one of the most defining scenes of the classic Roadrunner/Coyote cartoon series…

If you'll recall, the coyote is once again engaged in an elaborate plan to capture the elusive Roadrunner.  In this scene, he is in a railroad shack filling bogus carrots with TNT.  As he carefully fills each carrot with a rubber hose, he smugly converses with himself, “Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius” extremely pleased, he continues, “I like the way that sounds!” He echoes, “Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius”.  Meanwhile, the Roadrunner is cleverly moving the shed onto the train tracks to meet a certain doom.

Despite the unrealized success of the coyote, I was gleefully reenacting the famous scene. Just as the coyote must have been certain of his plan, I arrogantly snicker to myself, while filling juice pop wells with organic carrot juice, "Mom E. Coyote, Super Genius!"

I transcend into a dream-like state, “I am ‘Mom E. Coyote…Super Genius’!  I will get that boy to consume vegetables, and he will sheepishly ask for more, and I will allow it, and he will thank me for the treat.  What could be better? ”  

That was the way I was seeing it.  This was the answer to proper nutrition for my finicky five-year-old.  Vegetable Juice Pops! It’s sheer genius!  

Several hours later, my son had done a good deed.  I jumped at the opportunity to reward him with a frozen treat.  

Just as Wile E. Coyote realized his failures, so too did I, Mom E. Coyote, face a certain glitch in my plan.  

Now, imagine the disappointment in both of us when my son realized this was not the sugary reward he had been expecting and I realized my vegetable pop endeavor was dismantling before my eyes.

I asked how he liked his treat, though I had an idea from the grimaced look he wore.  

"I don't like this ice pop.  I want something else" he demanded.

"What's wrong with it?" I asked.

"It's yucky.  I want a real treat, Mom"

I couldn't argue with him as he did deserve a reward as promised for his good deed.  I couldn't let on that I was conducting an experiment so as not to jeopardize future experiments.

I gave him a 'real' treat and went back to the kitchen - a.k.a. the drawing board.  I realized my mistake.  

Success was accomplished, the second time around, by adding apple juice to the mix. 

Live and learn, right?

Using a reward system to encourage children to comply with your demands is extremely effective.  

A Crafty Mother knows how to strike a deal on the spot; put every decision in black and white.  If this, then that; right or wrong, good or bad. 

I’m a mommy version of Monty Hall from “Let’s Make A Deal”.

The 'dangling carrot' is without doubt, the most effective tool a crafty Mother (Parent) can use to achieve results, whatever they may be.  Let them know their reward is within reach. Just know the boundaries of using the method effectively.

I was putting the kids to bed one steamy summer night.  The shades had been drawn and we had stayed in air conditioning all day due to a heat wave.  The kids hadn’t noticed that they were going to bed an hour early.

After going potty, brushing teeth and climbing into bed, the toddler, who had skipped his nap, lay down without much resistance, but the five year old caught on to the early hour and said, “Hey, wait a minute, it’s still light out!”

I was really ready to call it a day.  So, before the five-year old got so far as recruiting his brother out of bed, I whipped out a proverbial dangling carrot from my back pocket and said, “get in bed, stay in bed, and tomorrow,” I paused, “I’ll give you chocolate for breakfast.”  

You would think the kid had an ‘off switch’.  Immediately, though excited with the thoughts of chocolate, the five-year old complied. He knows I keep my end of a deal, and he’s learned to keep his.  If he wants something badly enough, he’ll do what it takes, and so will I.  Going to bed and staying in bed in exchange for the dangling carrot du jour is a pretty reliable system with us.  

I had my kids in bed, quiet and still an hour before the sun went down.  The sensible, yet crafty, Mother was triumphant, once again!

The Carrot du Jour has ranged from toy trains, to Hot Wheels, to outings, to chocolate for breakfast!  It can be anything, really.  

The chocolate for breakfast, by the way is a slight exaggeration.  It does the job to get them to comply and may suggest sweet dreams, but, by the time they wake up the next morning, they likely forget about the deal, but, when it comes up, I will come through with a Hershey Kiss after a healthy breakfast, for good measure.  

Nothing gets my kids to fall in line more effectively then the promise of chocolate.  Thank you, Mr. Hershey!