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Orchestrating a Civilized Meal For the Uncivilized |
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Written by Sue Mahar
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Thursday, 08 January 2009 |
It is very hard to get a young family to the table for a civilized dinner, but despite the challenges it presents, the effort is made, for whatever it is worth.
Preparing an everyday sit-down-dinner is out of the question in these modern times, but I do manage to get my nuclear family to the table several times a week. One such day, I planned a hearty turkey dinner with all the trimmings. There had been a few too many days of hastened chicken nuggets and pizza, and I knew we all would benefit from a traditional, sensory enriching wholesome meal.
As I planned a traditional dinner of fresh turkey, homemade gravy, sausage and apple stuffing, jellied cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, seasoned vegetables, biscuits and apple pie, I imagined the praise I would receive for filling the house with enticing aromas prompting ravenous appetites and lively conversation at the dinner table. In addition, I thought how we could relive the experience with next-day leftovers. The turkey was washed and prepared for an afternoon of roasting while the side dishes were set aside to cook within an hour before serving. With the dinner timed perfectly, I decided to focus on the table setting.
People with young children will know, fancy table settings give way to practicality and convenience. Perhaps it was the intoxicating smells of a roasting dinner, but I chose to embellish the table setting with a centerpiece and candlesticks, and by introducing my kids to glasses, instead of plastic cups with lids, and to fanned cloth napkins perched on plates. The table was set, and dinner was cooking. So far, so good. At this point, I am wondering why we don't do this more often. Then, the family came home.
Up until this point, I was in a quiet house, creating a brief existence of sophistication and grace. Within minutes of coming home, my children had complained they were not going to like the dinner, even though it smelled so good. My husband kicked off his shoes, unwittingly leaving them in the middle of the kitchen floor, and the cat awoke from his nap, slinking into the room with one eye on the awaiting turkey platter.
Not letting this sway me too far off from my goal to have a somewhat elegant, traditional family dinner, I assure the children they will enjoy the meal, and remind them that they are to try new things. I sent them off to wash their hands and request my husband take note of where he left his shoes. Back on track, I prepare the vegetables and biscuits as the warm, savory turkey sat on the carving board.
While washing their hands, the two children competed for the soap, the stream of running water and for room on the step stool while standing at the sink. Their voices grew louder as the scene escalated. I intervened, offering simple solutions to sharing; reminding them this was a task to get clean, not loud. Now, back to the dinner preparations.
I carved the turkey, seasoned the vegetables, dished the chilled the cranberry sauce and filled the glasses with wholesome, organic milk. With the steam still rising on a ready to serve meal, I called everyone to the table with a two-minute notice. The kitchen counter was cluttered with cutting boards, knives, spoons, pots, pans, spilled flour, splattered gravy, seasonings and recipe cards. I turned my back on it to face the beautifully arranged table, long waiting for an idyllic gathering and family feast. But the beautifully arranged table was not as I had left it.
Enamored by the new additions to the table setting, the kids were kneeling in their chairs, reaching for the (unlit) candlesticks and picking at the centerpiece. Seeing how quickly things could unravel before me, I decided to take this as the opportunity to teach them some new table manners. "We do not kneel at the table, leave the centerpiece alone, never touch candles and put your napkin on you lap." They respond,” What’s a centerpiece? Can we light the candles? I want to blow them out. No, I want to blow them out! Is THIS my NAPKIN? Why do I have to put it n my lap?, Why do we have REAL glasses? Can I have chocolate milk? What's that? I HATE that! Can I have chicken nuggets?
All they had to do was arrive, appreciatively to the specially decorated table with clean hands and appetite. But, instead,
(This is a story in the works - please excuse the time it takes to finish, but a story this good requires my full attention, which I strive to provide)
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The Anti 'Birthday Factory' Birthday Party |
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Written by Sue Mahar
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Thursday, 31 May 2007 |
Children in modern suburbia are being raised having elaborate birthday parties. My five year old son receives clusters of professionally done birthday party invitations from his classmates. Most of the time, I don't personally know the child, or their family, and yet, we always attend, meeting up with the same obliging parents, receiving the same invitations. We have gone to 'Dinosaur Digs', 'Swim Parties', 'Chuck E Cheese's', Bowling Parties', 'Sports and Games', 'Gymnastics', 'Children Museums', and on and on...and they've all been great! I enjoy taking my kids to these places, I really do. But, when it was my turn to host my son's birthday party I wanted to do something special for my deserving son. I wanted to provide a memorable childhood birthday party for him, to the best of my ability.  These 'birthday factories' are so mechanical with producing birthday parties that it seems like the simple joys of childhood are getting lost in the meaning. I know that despite how vastly different these 'birthday factories' can be, you will always find food, activity, cake, presents and goodie bags. They charge upwards of $300-400 when all is said an done. That's just a bit much, I think I can do better myself, thank you.
A child will fantasize about their birthday for months in advance. What wonder-ous things they plan; extravagant outings, a long list of guests, endless hours of fun, fun, fun... This is an entitlement as if they were the son of Rockerfeller, all in the name of, 'their birthday'. Essentially, they want to be spoiled like crazy for the day. I can't say I blame them. I still look forward to...
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Winter Doldrums Don't Last Forever |
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Written by Sue Mahar
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Friday, 16 February 2007 |
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Winter Blues Stall Creativity
It may be true that we all hibernate during the winter. For years, I have struggled with the feelings of winter doldrums. Without the warmth and vitality life offers during the mild months of the year, I seem to slow down in productivity. Luckilly, this is a passing phase.
I become fully occupied with all that winter brings. It seems harder to get around, for one. Bundling up myself and the children takes twice as long to leave the house. Sunlight seems muddled over with grey clouds for most of the season. Shaking off the shivers becomes a daily mission. Although winter begins in December, the winter doldrums don't usually set in for me until February. By February, I am over the holidays, the start of the new year and a few wintry weather conditions. Now it's just cold and dark. I am less enthusiastic about the days. I can't wait to finish each day and get more rest. I am in human hibernation mode. It's not that I really dislike the winter, I just bear with it. I know I must concede to it for a month or two until it passes over. It's a reflection of life in general. If I see what good there is in something I am not entirely fond of, I may have an easier time with it until it passes. My list of favorite things about winter includes beautiful sunsets, no bugs, crisp clean air, velvet, cuddling, fires in the fireplace, port wine, brightly lit skyline views and the promise of spring with each passing day.  Inspiration and productivity always come easier with spring's mild days and sweet smells. Even now, I hear a songbird perched upon a snowy branch in the morning sun. There is good in everything, we just have to look for it. | | This item includes 1 comment |
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Written by Sue Mahar
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Thursday, 22 February 2007 |
Mommy Meltdowns Although moms possess impressive abilities to manage simultaneous herculean tasks, we sometimes surpass our limits and abilities. We are at fault, despite our best efforts. When that happens, our blood pressure rises, our tempers flair and we have tantrums much like those of our toddlers. That's what I refer to as a 'mommy meltdown'.  Such was the case for me earlier this week. I have long since accepted many tasks that come with the role of 'mother'. It's not a glorious job, by any means, and yet billions of us willingly and lovingly take on the weighty everyday responsibilities. Along with our own lives, our jobs, extended family and miscellaneous grey areas, we are in charge of our families' schedules, education, health and well being, the condition of our homes, the shopping and, very often, the bills. It is manageable, when it is not overwhelming. This is a similar feeling to having the straw break the proverbial camel's back. You pick up the same mess over and over again, someone makes a negative comment about their food you prepared, you discover a crayon in the laundry after its too late, the pet has an accident just as you are trying to get out of the house on time, checkout at the store takes longer than your actual shopping time, your toddler (not yet potty trained) wriggles and giggles as you struggle to change him, juice leaks out of a spill proof cup leaving another permanent stain in the middle of the carpet, your kids want to 'help' you with the chores and argue over who gets to do what and much, much more. Then, somehow you manage to put everything into place, despite the many obstacles, so you take a well deserved break only to have everything undone within hours. (On really bad days, that is also when you have unexpected company and you die with embarrassment over the condition of things) Your system goes into overload and you have a breakdown. I usually wind up with a sore throat from the hideous scream of frustration I let out. I can almost feel my head spinning. I have been compared to 'The Hulk' as I wind up my frustrations and release them on anyone within earshot. In order to save my children from the damaging psychologic impact this may have on them, I give myself a long time out (one minute for every year of age, right?). They understand what 'time outs' are. I need to take time to calm down. A long soak in the tub usually helps. Once I have calmed down, I get the attention of my family and establish new rules. Since they have mistaken me for their personal valet, chef, secretary, maid and more, I realize it is ultimately my responsibility to correct them. They are to have more personal responsibility and I am to enforce that. Everyone is to put their things away. New projects are not to begin until the last project is put away. I don't run a restaurant, so food may not be returned to the kitchen and reordered. Good personal hygiene is everyone's responsibility. Homework projects (and work projects) are a priority - lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. If I say 'no', 'now', 'later', or even 'maybe' that is my final answer. The rules of the house are mine to create, enforce and change at any time. If Mama isn't happy, no one is happy. It is in everyone's best interest to uphold the rules.  So perhaps with each mommy meltdown, new rules are enforced and everyone learns their limits. There are consequences for exceeding your limits, whether you are the mom or living by the rules of the mom. | | This item includes 3 comments |
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Written by Sue Mahar
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Thursday, 31 January 2008 |
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In the 1970's, the grass roots environmental movement was happening, but no one was sure what to make of it. Living in the land of plenty, eco-conservation seemed much too great an effort, I suppose. A small population of people were maintaing a healthy environmental conscience, but not many would take it as far as carring their own shopping bags around. That kind of behavior was mostly for 'hippies', and I was not raised by hippies by any stretch of the imagination. But, I was raised by the core value of money (that is, we hadn't much - and had to make things last) and basic common sense. Since then, we have all come to learn that what's good for the Earth can also be what's good for our wallets. It just takes the ability to adapt and maintain better habits. 
My environmental conscience is strong. This kind of thinking makes perfect sense. Nowadays, it is not uncommon for people to be prepared with their own totebag when they go shopping. I use totebags to shop at every opportunity. I am not the only one. I will note, 'hippies' may have taken over the consumer conscience and we're better off. The term 'hippie' today has a broad spectrum - it's mostly a personality trait. Perhaps if more people were hippie-esque, it would mean 'hippie grass root efforts' are practiced by more people. To give credit where credit is due, iIt's not just the 'hippie' type of person making grass root efforts. I see many elderly people with canvas shopping bags at check-out, too (it pleases my heart). Stores have to provide a shopping bag for their customers, no fault there, I am glad they do, but, if ninety percent of those bags are improperly disposed, we have a serious waste situation. Fortunately, there's an easy solution. Even if fifty percent of the shoppers carried their purchases around in ther own bags, there is significant cost savings opportunity and a reduction in consumer waste. Many stores are selling bags for less than a dollar, or better yet, they are giving them away during promotions. If they didn't have to buy as many shopping bags to provide the shopper, their costs go down, and (ideally) passed along to the customer (usually in the form of store improvements, not necessarilly as a rebate, but ultimately for the shopping experience). Consumer behavior is powerful. The term, 'grass roots' means 'people or society at a local level rather than at the center of a political organization'. It means it may take more personal effort to achieve long-term results. And so it does. Get used to carrying totebags. It's for the 'greater good'. When people act independently for the 'greater good', they are enriching their soul, and the souls of those they inspire. (We could all benefit from soul-enrichment) Perhaps a strong eco-conscience is achieved by simply choosing to become self-sustaining when shopping. A totebag is a universal item with so many practical uses. It's hard to measure the value of a simple totebag. | | No comments for this item |
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