Sensible Sue

Parenting is the biggest responsibility we may face in life. Each stage of your child's development presents new challenges.  The pre-teen years through adolescence and into young adulthood are big changes for both parent and child. 

JMC-is a loyal SensibleSue reader.  She wrote;
 

Dear SensibleSue, 

What do you say to a ten year old good girl who says that most of her class thinks of her as "not cool enough" or gets partnered up with all of the "dorks".  What I say doesn't quite make it.  Maybe I'm just an "old" mom.  Please help me with your words of wisdom.

Sincerely, 

JMC in NJ, USA

Dear JMC,

Being one of the 'cool kids' is the aspiration of most young teens and pre-teens.  If 'being cool' doesn't naturally happen for your child, it could be a blow to their self esteem, making it hard for both parent and child. 

 

Assure them they have many years ahead of them to work on being cool, it doesn't come out of a package.

Though I may have a way with words, I am not an expert. I did some research for you.  Here are some links on the topic. 

www.familyeducation.com
www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cool/interviews/rushkoff.html
www.additudemag.com
www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=287&id=1478

Help your daughter define herself. Give her confidence a boost. Distract her with interesting activities and other healthy outlets may take her mind off of what makes other kids so cool. Cool is in the eye of the beholder.

 

Image, actions, fashion, trends, individuality and confidence can all define cool, but cool is not always sensible. If it is an effort to be fashionable, for instance, it can backfire and make you look foolish (recalling my own strive to be cool).

 

Have her find the positive attributes in 'the dorks' she gets paired up with. Remind her of the 'Golden Rule' - "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Afterall, most 'dorks' turn out to be good friends once you get to know them. 

 

There will always be someone cooler than and not as cool as yourself. 'Cool' is gaining the respect of others for your unique qualities as they suit you best. If she can resist the pressures of being cool as defined by shallow peers, mass media and Nickelodeon, she will rise above. 

 

That, in itself, is cool.

 

I hope this helps.

SensibleSue